第十章（第31/34页）

Yet he could live alone, in the wan satisfaction of being alone, and raise pheasants to be shot ultimately by fat men after breakfast. It was futility, futility to the NTH power.

不过，他仍可以孤单度日，满足于形单影只的病态感觉，饲养野鸡，为的是让那些脑满肠肥的家伙们用罢早餐后射杀它们。一切都是徒劳，没有半点意义。

But why care, why bother? And he had not cared nor bothered till now, when this woman had come into his life. He was nearly ten years older than she. And he was a thousand years older in experience, starting from the bottom. The connexion between them was growing closer. He could see the day when it would clinch up and they would have to make a life together. "For the bonds of love are ill to loose!" And what then? What then? Must he start again, with nothing to start on? Must he entangle this woman? Must he have the horrible broil with her lame husband? And also some sort of horrible broil with his own brutal wife, who hated him? Misery! Lots of misery! And he was no longer young and merely buoyant. Neither was he the insouciant sort. Every bitterness and every ugliness would hurt him: and the woman!

但为什么要在意，为什么要烦忧呢？他从不牵肠挂肚，从不愁思满腹，直到这个女人闯入他的生活。他比她年长将近十岁。若论人生历练，甚至比她老上千年。但两人间的关系却愈发亲密。他能预见到，终有一天，两人会难分难离，共同生活在一起。“爱的纠葛总难解！”可那又怎样？那又怎样？他必须重头再来，白手起家？他必须跟这女人纠缠在一起？他必须跟她那残废的丈夫斗个不可开交？甚至连他那野蛮的妻子也牵扯其中？到现在为止，那泼妇还对他怀有恨意。痛苦！无尽的痛苦！他已不再年轻，虽说尚有活力。而且他也不是那种无忧无虑的乐天派。任何苦难和丑恶都会让他受伤，当然还有他心爱的女人！

But even if they got clear of Sir Clifford and of his own wife, even if they got clear, what were they going to do? What was he, himself going to do? What was he going to do with his life? For he must do something. He couldn't be a mere hanger-on, on her money and his own very small pension.

但即使能够摆脱克利福德爵士和那离家的悍妇，即使能获得自由，他俩又该何去何从呢？他自己将会如何？他将会怎样面对自己的生活？他必须找到谋生的方法。他不愿成为寄生虫，靠她的积蓄以及自己微薄的抚恤金过活。

It was the insoluble. He could only think of going to America, to try a new air. He disbelieved in the dollar utterly. But perhaps, perhaps there was something else.

问题难以解决。他只能盼望能远赴美国，尝试新的生活。他对美金毫无信任。但或许，或许那里会有盎然的生机。

He could not rest nor even go to bed. After sitting in a stupor of bitter thoughts until midnight, he got suddenly from his chair and reached for his coat and gun.

他无法入睡，甚至都不愿躺到床上去。他呆坐着，冥思苦想直至午夜，突然从靠椅上站起身来，拿过外衣和猎枪。

"Come on, lass," he said to the dog. "We're best outside.” It was a starry night, but moonless. He went on a slow, scrupulous, soft-stepping and stealthy round. The only thing he had to contend with was the colliers setting snares for rabbits, particularly the Stacks Gate colliers, on the Marehay side. But it was breeding season, and even colliers respected it a little. Nevertheless the stealthy beating of the round in search of poachers soothed his nerves and took his mind off his thoughts.

“跟我来，姑娘，”他招呼自己的猎犬，“我们最好去外面呆着。”夜空缀满繁星，但却不见月亮。他迈着缓慢轻盈的步伐，谨慎小心地开始巡视。让唯一需要应付的是，矿工们，尤其是来自马勒哈伊方向的斯塔克斯门的矿工们，设置了许多捕兔夹。但繁殖季节已至，就连矿工们也不忍多造杀孽。不过，聚精会神地巡视，悄悄地搜寻偷猎者，让他的心绪逐渐平抚，不再胡思乱想。

But when he had done his slow, cautious beating of his bounds—it was nearly a five-mile walk—he was tired. He went to the top of the knoll and looked out. There was no sound save the noise, the faint shuffling noise from Stacks Gate colliery, that never ceased working: and there were hardly any lights, save the brilliant electric rows at the works. The world lay darkly and fumily sleeping. It was half past two. But even in its sleep it was an uneasy, cruel world, stirring with the noise of a train or some great lorry on the road, and flashing with some rosy lightning flash from the furnaces. It was a world of iron and coal, the cruelty of iron and the smoke of coal, and the endless, endless greed that drove it all. Only greed, greed stirring in its sleep.