五（第4/12页）

“我没有，我没有！

你让我生气。我要下到你那里去。

上帝啊，这女人！”

“I'm not. I'm not！

You make me angry. I'll come down to you.

God, what a woman！”

侵入沉默之领土的语言并没有获得胜利，只留下它那些词的回声。它能够展示的唯一成果就是这一句老话，它先前就曾把他带进死胡同：

“到了这个地步：

一个男人不能提他死去的孩子。”

“And it's come to this,

A man can't speak of his own child that's dead.”

这话同样也只能依靠自我。僵局。这种僵局被那女人打破了。更确切地说，她的沉默被打破了。这本可以被男主人公视为一场胜利，若不是因为考虑到她献出的是怎样一段独白的话。这与其说是一次进攻，还不如说是对他所代表的所有东西的否定。

“你就是不能，你根本不懂怎样提起。

如果你也有感情，你怎么能

亲手去挖他的小坟；怎么能？

我从那个窗口看见你在那里，

见你扬起沙土，扬向空中。

扬啊扬，就像这样，土轻轻地

滚回来，落在坑边的土堆上。

我想，那男人是谁？我不知是你。

我走下楼梯，又爬上楼梯去，

再看一遍，见你还在挥锹扬土。

然后你进来了。我听见你的低音

在厨房外响起，我不知道为什么，

但我走过去，要亲眼看一看，

你正坐在那儿，鞋上污迹斑斑，

那是你孩子坟墓上的新泥，

然后你又讲起你那些琐碎事情。

你把铁锹靠在外面的墙壁上，

就在门口，我也看见了。”

“我想笑，笑出有生以来最苦的笑。

我真苦！上帝，我真不信我的苦命。”“You can't because you don't know how to speak.

If you had any feelings, you that dug

With your own hand — how could you？ — his little grave;

I saw you from that very window there,

Making the gravel leap and leap in air,

Leap up, like that, like that, and land so lightly

And roll back down the mound beside the hole.

I thought, Who is that man？ I didn't know you.

And I crept down the stairs and up the stairs

To look again, and still your spade kept lifting.

Then you came in. I heard your rumbling voice

Out in the kitchen, and I don't know why,

But I went near to see with my own eyes.

You could sit there with the stains on your shoes

Of the fresh earth from your own baby's grave

And talk about your everyday concerns.

You had stood the spade up against the wall

Outside there in the entry, for I saw it.’

‘I shall laugh the worst laugh I ever laughed.

I'm cursed. God, if I don't believe I'm cursed.”